i don't like sucking hair
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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