I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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