Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
