The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
