Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
