New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
