SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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