Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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