Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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