I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
