Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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