If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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