some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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