I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize