I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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