Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's blow job season.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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