the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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