Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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