i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
