My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How's work?
Spinning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
