Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
