tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
