He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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