So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
