look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
