then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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