I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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