Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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