I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
