Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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