need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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