Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
