guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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