Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
