I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
