apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
