So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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