i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my liver is dry heaving
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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