Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
