Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize