You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
