I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
