I'm lost and stupid without you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
