She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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