You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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