That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
