I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
