Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
