How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
