Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
