The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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