i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
