And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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