Cold hands, warm shart.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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