Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
please come you make the beer taste better
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
