Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
