Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize