In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
