I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
