my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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