Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
