Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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