I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
