It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
