he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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