Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
