last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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