I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
