I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
