i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
