I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
