My liver just broke up with me...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
