I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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