New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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