just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
