eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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