No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
