Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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