I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The power of my boobs compel you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
