Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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