She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
