I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
