The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
