I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
