Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
