So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
