conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
