Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
