just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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