we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my liver is dry heaving
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
