Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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