I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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