Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize