I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
