What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
