it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
