Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sext me about skeletons
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