he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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