I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
