New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
